Aibakawaii

Ok enough of this emo crap.. That's not me at all.. Whatever insecurities or fears I have.. Screw it, I can't be wasting precious time on stupid stuff..


I will.. If it is the last thing I do.. Will most definitely find a way to go to KMF this year AND get my new computer.. I mean.. HELL I'm going to be working mad crazy hours anyway and know how to make money so it shouldn't be a problem.. Then again.. I make everything a problem, but I WILL make it possible for me to enjoy myself as much as possible, which is something that I think I've forgotten how to do..

KMF was the highlight of my entire life last year.. The experience was amazing and I really really want a repeat of it and I think I owe to myself to do something that I really really want to do, ne? Seeing California.. Going to K-Town.. Meeting other DBSK fans.. Seeing the Hollywood Bowl.. Getting to see DBSK live.. Hell.. Even the flight (which by the way I slept through and didn't get to see the Grand Canyon OR get my damn soda and then I didn't get my peanuts until we go to the hotel) was amazing.. Every single aspect of it.. And I would give anything in the world to do it again.. If I do go again.. This time I wanna stay loner.. you know.. see the sights.. eat the food.. oh goodness the food.. What.. Maybe like a week or something?

*sigh* KMF.. how I do love thee..

Patricia HWAITING~~~!

Ok so.. First off.. I'm terrible at posting in this thing, but mainly because.. I don't know.. I guess I just don't feel the overwhelming need to continuously post my live on livejournal, though it doesn't matter since only patra really reads it and since we talk about just about everything anyway, she finds out with out even needing to sign on to livejournal..

Obviously this is a completely different story..

*ahem*

I haven't been sleeping well.. I've probably gotten one really good night of amazingly good rest but under a very stressful situation, so I'm not entire sure if that should really count or not.. Anyway.. moving on.. I've also I've noticed that my attention at work has been lacking big time and since I'm constantly dealing with money all the time, I can't let that happen. I discovered today when I went into work that last night I hadn't counted correctly and that all our numbers were jacked up and so I spent the first hour of my shift fixing it since I was the one who messed it up in the first place.. But the thing that bothered me most was the fact that I'd never made such a stupid mistake before..

So obviously there's something bothering me big time if I'm being a forgetful little moron.. I know it isn't Disney because I know that everything will be just fine there, and even though I am concerned with the state of things at home, I'm not too sure it's that either. I recently applied to the University of Pittsburgh.. and ever since I received confirmation that all my information was in fact received, I've been stressing like there's no tomorrow..

To be perfectly honest, I have no back up plan should I not get accepted.. I can't stay where I am and there is just no room for continued failure or rejection in my life. Truth be told I'm scared to death that I'm making myself sick.. This goes so far beyond nerves that it's not even funny.. I can't really put what I'm feeling into words enough to properly express myself to someone and in the end they keep telling me that I'm just being silly. But am I?

Sometimes I'm just so reassured, so sure that I'll get accepted because let's face it, who wouldn't want me to grace the halls of their school, but at the same time, in their eyes I'm really no one important, just another number to either add to the roster or toss out all together. I don't want to be so much of an egoist that I'm absolutely positive that I'll get in, but at the same time, I don't want to depress myself and put myself down by telling myself that I'll be lucky if they even send the infamous letter of rejection.

*dramatic groan*

Some days it's just damn hard to smile and pretend that there's nothing eating away me. Keeping up with the strong girl act I have yet to cry, but I know the fear and anxiety and serious lack of sleep and energy are breaking me down.. As tired as I am, I'm more terrified than anything. I think I'm more afraid of a hopeless future than anything..

I say yes.. Someone else says no.. And like a dumbass and listen therefore find myself saying no too.. I feel like I have no backbone and things are getting even more complicated than they are supposed to be..

Ok.. I'm a STRONG believer in signs.. like.. you know how you want to get the red shirt but something something something tells you to get the blue one instead so you go with that feeling and get the blue one..? ok.. well.. that's not exactly the sign I'm talking about but close enough. I feel like ever since I declared that no, college was NOT for me, everyone and everything around me is pushing for post secondary education.. It kills me too.. I don't know if it's a way of me being tested to see if I will cave under pressure or if it's a sign that there is something soooo much bigger out there for me. I don't want to pass up an opportunity, and I'll admit, I need a lot more discipline than I currently have and need to learn the value of hard work, but I just don't know WHAT to think..

It also doesn't help that I'm surrounded by a shit load of educators who push for education like their very lives depend on it.. I guess then again it sort of does since they went to college themselves in order to get the low paying job they now have.. -sigh-

I like to think of myself as positive and straightforward, but lately I've been teetering on the edge and wondering what I'm going to do with my life. I don't want to settle and I do want bigger things, but I just feel like I don't want to run myself and my mom into the gutter trying to chase after a possibly void dream..

-falls over-

So I've had a very exciting moment in my life.. well.. to me it's exciting.. I was browsing through korichan 's recommendation list and not only did I notice that 'Your My Melody' was on there *blush* but before the list itself is presented, she was talking about the filtering process and what not of her fics and she was talking about crossovers and you know what the example was..? SCHOOL DAZE!!! *dies*

I feel like hardlychosen  isn't an appropriate screenname anymore.. I mean.. I don't think it was really appropriate in the first place.. I probably picked it because I was being dumb and emo and because it wasn't taken.. -.-' Then again.. maybe that's why she chose to use School Daze as an example..? Then I wondered to myself.. Would enough people have read it to understand that it was one of those extremely tripped out crossovers..? 

Which got me to thinking.. Maybe I think too much? o.O  Well.. then again.. That's not too surprising.. -.-'

Anyway.. I totally enjoy gushing with pride.. It doesn't happen often so when I'm just gushing.. I like to gush all over the place..

I miss patra86 

and I also enjoy using this little button thingy to make everonye's screen name go from patra86 to patra86  haha.. I'm so lame..

-.-'

Anyway.. it's 3 in the morning and I should really go to bed.. But I'm so hyper.. *whimper*

Aigoo..

Just freaking wow.. I've only seen the first six episodes of this drama, but it's TOTALLY love... ^____^ Haha.. Personally, I'm a sucker for a story that is based around the arts.. You know.. music.. dancing.. ART. Hehe.. And the fact that I saw a commercial for this on some Korean station thing and nearly broke my fingers looking for it might have something to do with why I wanted to watch it so badly.. *shrug*

But I can't exactly do a full analysis as to what's going on just yet. Even though I'm a good six episodes into the drama I do have vent because I am, to day the very least, pissed as hell with the subbing team.. I'm so angry I don't even feel like looking up who they are right now because that would just make me furious all over again.

The drama itself is absolutely wonderful, but I must say that poor subbing, bad timing and subbing team laziness does make it difficult to enjoy. Let me put it this way.. I read English subtitles because of the fact that I do not know enough Korean to watch a drama just yet.. But how come.. HOW COME they take it upon themselves not to sub some (many really) that the characters say? It was by chance that I even knew what the Chona had said to Don Wan and Yon Bok.. -.-' Aigoo.. I was so pissed when I started noticing less and less subtitles the longer the drama went on. By the time I got to episode seven, I was ten minutes into the drama and still not a single sub had popped up.. I mean, it's not THAT hard to understand what's going on at the beginning of that particular episode.. I mean.. Some serious shit is going on.. But it totally kills me that I can't fully understand what's going on in the scene because a subbing team decided to upload the ep with no subs or barely any.. -.-

Back to the drama itself..

OH MY GOSH!!! I didn't think such a serious porblem would present itself so soon in the drama.. o.O From the get go you know exactly who will be the problematic characters in the drama, and you know that there's going to be trouble, but I seriously didn't expect so much so soon.. I was biting my nails right from the start.

-.-'

Yon Bok is really a girl.. That's definitely one of the first things you learn about our heroin though everyone thinks she's a he (and sometimg I even get a little on the confused side haha) so perhaps i should think of her like a hero..? Anyway! Yon Bok is really a girl and an extremely talented painter with a sharp eye for detail. It's this eye for detail that gets her in trouble with the dowager queen.. Apparently, Yon Bok painted what was considered an erotic painting and though she didn't know it, it was the dowager queen she had painted.. Hahahaha!!! (I thought that was funny because really the queen only considered it erotic because she was the focus of the painting)

Don Wan (a totally amazingly awesome painter) is brought in from Pyoyang (I sure hope that's right, it's been a couple of days) to find out who painted such a thing.. Whoever is found guilty will have his hands smashed and if Don Wan were to fail, his hands would be smashed in place of the students since the masters don't want him there anyway.. Apparently there was this huge thing 10 years ago involving him but they elaborate later.. I would know more about that if there were subtitles for future episodes.. *pout* I'll have to check back though.. That or just rip out my hair and scream insanities.

Anyway.. I definitely love the drama so far and I definitely want to finish it.. If I get the chance to order it on DVD, I definitely will without hesitation.

^____^

LOVE~!

It figure the ONE TIME I finally say something out loud about Changmin's lack of crying and ability to hold it together while the others fall apart.. on top of writing a fic about him crying.. He cries.. Making me look a little weird.. Not gonna lie I think I might be psychic because.. you know.. it was only a matter of time before he cracked.. I mean.. He needs to let emotion out.. It's not healthy to hold it on in.. -nod nod- Also.. I totally teared up watching him cry.. He was very put together in his tears though.. And Chunnie was so supportive of the baby.. Hehe.. That's friendship right there. ^___^ And Minnie was just trying to play it cool, but there was just no hiding it.. I wish I could have given him a hug..

And though I LOVE Big Bang with all my heart (though Top's betrayal wounded me deeply, I mean come ON, I can't compete with HyoRi xD) I still think DBSK is the better group. (I have my own reasons and four years of torture *Ash knows what I'm talking about* for why I believe this) but then again, my opinion is just that.. My opinion.

Proud of all ten of my boys though! ^___^

And it's war between me a HyoRi.. I'm taller, so I just might win. Haha!

Really now.. Who hasn't heard of this drama..?

I'm not gonna lie, I loved it because I am definitely a sucker for these angsty, drawn out dramas that's story could probably be told in a single movie. I'm not saying it was bad, because I totally loved it, but I'm not going to say that it was the best thing that was ever put on Silent Regrets and I think that everyone should watch it because there is no life without this drama..

No no.. That's Hana Kimi..

Anyway.. The first episode definitely won me over, hands down. I found the story so interesting and engaging. I actually thought that it could have stood well on it's own.. Heh.. But that's just me. Anyway.. Andrea's story really did make me tear up. Discovering that he had an uncle that would really care for him instead of that vicious aunt that would just beat him all the time.. And when he got older meeting Eun Ha was like a Godsent and since so much of this drama revolves around religion I have no problem saying that.. Heh.. (I usually try to keep some things like religion to a minimum you know.. taking in the consideration of others and what not..)

When they went to college it did get a little more complicated.. There's the whole discovering the long lost mother thing, throwing freakin WooJin in there and falling in love Eun Ha who had always had her heart devoted to Andrea (whose real name is WooJin as well, but for the sake of not wanting to cause confusion, mainly amongst myself, we're sticking with his Christian name, Andrea..) who is hellbent on becoming a priest.

Obviously devoting his life to God is a slight problem.. Considering that he'll never get married.. Do the nasty with Eun Ha (just being realistic here..) and there's WooJin who always seems to lurk in the shadows and hide some sort of very important information fro either Andrea or Eun Ha which, coincidentally enough, sets the two even further apart than they already are and considering that Andrea wants to be a priest, that is pretty gosh darn far..

But here's the truth, the set back, of this drama. It does go around in circles and just when you think it can't get anymore complicated than it already has, the director, the scriptwriter, WHOEVER, manages to pull out another plot twist that causes everyone involved more anguish. The truth about Andrea's father. The truth about Andrea's mother. The truth about WooJin's father. The truth about WooJin's mother. The truth about Eun Ha. The truth about Andrea and Eun Ha. The truth about Eun Ha and WooJin. Really.. Does the madness ever end? Not to mention the river of tears that's spilt by the cast alone.. I do declare there wasn't enough room in the world for their tears (and mine) had this series gone on any longer.

My biggest gripe about this drama was the unfinished side story.. They managed to close a couple of holes here and there, but there sides left opened, questions left unanswered, some things were very hazy and not completely making sense, but because you're so caught up in the emotion and about to drown from the onslaught of tears, you just don't question it.

*falls over*

Since I enjoyed it.. I give it three out of five stars.. definitely.. but looking at from a different point of view.. hmm.. 2.. 2 and 1/2..

I was totally skimming through my history of dramas that I watched, because I wanted to watch something over again and I think, 'Hmm.. Wonderful Life was a bundle of laughs, a pinch of nerves and definitely a tear jerker. I mean, who wouldn't fall in love with the overly adorable Shin Bi?'

So being the daft crazy that I am, I click without looking.. And ended up bumping into Wonderful Life the Japanese Drama. o.O They had one? I really should have done my research better. Not MY surprise when I see the wonderfully wonderful Takashi Sorimachi playing the lead male role!!! I was so excited because I thought he was just tooo funny in GTO, so he made a fangirl out of me.
 

^_____^

Anyway.. You know maybe it was the same storyline? Oh what a naive little thing I am.. Of course it's a different storyline, so different that I am entranced upon the completion of only the first episode. I'm obviously craving more. His injury was super lame in the sense of how he was injured and how the scene was done (if memory serves me right, because I remember not being completely satisfied with it) but the overall drama was very good and with a unique cast.

Let's start from the beginning. Takashi Sorimachi plays the part of Akira Kirishima star batter for the Pirates (a professional baseball team) and let me just say he is a rotten money grubbing bastard that no one would really want to be around. Of course, his fans really know little about who he really is, especially one little boy who writes him letter after letter asking the batter to be the coach of their little league baseball team. It's already painfully obvious that this will become the main plotline for the drama. They really wasted no time in revealing that much, but the question is 'How the hell is he going to find himself coaching a little league basball team? I mean, he's a professional for crying out loud, he doesn't do this stuff out of the kindness of his heart.' 

Which brings me to that injury that I mentioned earlier. Again, lame in almost every sense of the word, but you also get a feel for his character because he was injured after being caught cheating on his wfe of however many years. In the end his wife does divorce them and take their eleven year old son with them and it really sucks for him, because on top of his family leaving him, he has no real friends, his shoulder is injured and he gets fired from his job.

And cue the little league baseball team.

It was actually unbearanly cute there little boys. They of course aren't perfect angels, but they grow and learn from him and vice versa. As is the sterotypical plot, he changes into a better person. He falls in love, learns to be more humble, blah blah blah, the baseball team sucks when he first gets there. It's all pretty predictable, but the fun isn't guessing if they'll win or not, it's watching the funny little antics of the towns people, getting to know who Shou and Konsuke are, it's like watching a flower bloom. Even though you know what the end result is going to be, you wanna see what happens in between.

I do hold other dramas above this one, but let me tell you it's definitely something else. If I were to rate it.. I would give it.. Hmm.. probably 3 out of 5 stars.

-nod nod-

LOVE~!

So I went through 16 very long episode of Bad Family and lemme say this drama really touched on what it means to be in a family and actually have a real family, regardless of whether they're blood relatives or not.

Me personally, I liked the drama. It was comical, adventurous, heartbreaking and heartwarming all at the same times. I truly enjoyed watching this drama. I'm not gonna lie, there were some things that I hated about it, not so much the story line or the acting, but more so characters, or one to be more particular. I think that casting was very well done (and no I didn't watch it simply because Heechul's cute little ass was in it, but lemme say it was a definitely a BIG plus haha).

Dal Gun and Yang Ah, of course being the male and female leads, were amazingly awesome characters. Both were strong, had a story behind them and something they truly reached for, though I must admit, the first episode did throw me off a little bit since I didn't have a single clue what was going on, but as they showed Na Rim's story and what happened to her family, and then established the plot, I definitely came to love each of the characters as I learned their stories.

I especially loved the relationship between Dal Gun and Teacher Jang.. Haha.. Neither had ever really had a real family and as they learn a little bit more about one another, especially toward the end of the series, you definitely feel a bit of a father son bond going on there and it was really heartwarming to see that going on. I also loved Manddu Ajumma's relationship with Teacher Jang.. Haha.. She made so much fun of him, but it was totally cute.

A number of times there were definitely relationships that I questioned such as Gong Min's and Ah Na's. That definitely threw me for a loop and constantly asked myself 'What is you like about her?' But as the series progressed and you saw them interect more with one another, you definitely see the bubbly cuteness that is definitely lacking in every other character relationship.

But anyway.. This family of strangers came together as one. The only thing any of them really had in common was debt, but after a while and after learning more about each other, they realized that they all came from a broken family or even no family at all. They had much more in common than anyone of them could have realized  and because of their similarities and their struggles together, they found love, a family love that couldn't possibly be bought.

I really liked the end of the drama. ^____^  I thought it was picture perfect considering the characters' personalities and all that. Definitely one of my favorites and I'll probably talk about it for a long time to come.

I definitely recommend it to anyone who might skim across this entry at 3 in the morning.. or whatever time you're reading it.. heh.. But I definitely liked the story and the characters. (And Heechul's cute little ass.)

LOVE~!

I've discovered that I seem to write endlessly when bothered.. Among other things.. I also lock my keys in the car because I forget.. I forget a lot of things when I'm angry.. And recently.. Anger has definitely been the thing I've been feeling most. My mother reminded me that I'm a spoiled brat that expects the sun to rise and fall on my ass every single day yet will give nothing in return. She also reminded me that my plans to move far far away will probably fail since they are unrealistic, oh and I a damned to an eternity of waiting for my grandparents in countless waiting rooms for countless hours because there is no one else in the whole fucking family that will take them to the hospital. I am quite clearly the only person that can do this.. I have been to the hospital.. Let's see.. 7 or 8 times, soon to be 8 or 9 times in the past two weeks. I have had to cancel my plans, be late to work, starve and go sick because they don't want to ask anyone else, even though they say they always could ask someone else.. I have no gas and they won't give me money, my job doesn't pay shit and it's harder and harder every day because they're trying my patience..

My only form of release? Writing.. While other people eat.. or throw stuff.. or well.. I write.. I only start yelling when they try to stop me from writing.. If they want me to be a damn slve for the family, then when I sit down to write or type, then they'd be wise to let me have that little time that I have..

I've noticed that I've been torturing my DBSK boys for a bit.. Well.. This is why.. Well.. I tortured Changmin.. twice.. because of how rotten I feel on the inside.. I'm just so angry and I feel like I'm screaming and screaming and the people that care about me can do nothing about it.. But it's only a phase right..? Come January, when I get the hell up out of here, I'll be good.. The sooner I get out, the sooner I'm free.. The sooner I'm free, the sooner I'll be happy again and can really get rollin' with the School Daze Sequel..

*sigh*

Until that day comes.. I only have to suffer through a few more holidays.. Deal with the family a few more times.. But as far as these doctor's appointments go, I quit... I'm not anyone's freakin call boy and I refuse to be treated as such. Who gives a shit if I'm the youngest one in the house.. I have stuff that I have to do that's not getting done because I have to cater to them and it's not fair. One reason I would even want children in the future is so that when I get old an annoying they can put me in one of those expensive country club nursing homes or even an assisted living community. That's what my grandparents need because they won't take care of themselves and they aren't listening to us.. The only thing they do is go to the doctor and for what..? To ignore his orders?

I don't have the patience to deal with how stubborn they are.

Crying is not something I do easily, even now I'm not crying, but at the same time, I've completely withdrawn from my mother and grandparents to the point where they don't even know if I'm home or if I'm awake. If I am home, I'm in my room with the music blaring so I can't hear them or I'm pretending to be asleep. I hate that I'm avoiding them, but if gets them to leave me alone then so be it. They don't give me the time to recollect myself and calm down and it's like they're pushing and pushing to see if I'm gonna break or not..

Really.. Last night when I was called the 'slefish brat' of the family and the 'loose cannon' I really snapped.. I haven't spoken civily to my mom yet and I don't intend to any time soon. Not until she apologizes. My grandma tries to act like she hasn't been sucking gas out of my car and suggest that we go eat. My response is always the same, "Not if I have to drive there." My grandpa doesn't talk to me.. But that's nothing.. He doesn't talk to anybody.

I'm sick, I'm tired, they don't even know that I'm having sleep problems, my mom is getting ready to drop me from her insurance so if I get sick again I would have to pay an arm a leg and a first born child in order to get medical help and I really appreciate nothing my family has done for me right now. They've given me hedaches and food, even the food is lacking because I have to go elsewhere to eat since we really have no money to even go grocery shopping.

I feel like a fucking charity case.

It's a miracle I even have a computer to even type on.. -.-

I don't cry.. But I want to..

I love this clip SO freaking much and I always have trouble finding it so I thought that posting it in my journal I would be able to watch whenever I wanted to.. These guys are brilliant! Haha.. too funny for words, but with true talent.. Hahahaha~~!!!

LOVE IT!!!

I'm too sensitive for my own good.. Why have I come to this conclusion..? Because I just am.. especially about my writing. When I write I put a lot of mself into my work, you know, to make it something that I can relate to in some way or another. Not that I am a gay man that's totally in love with a Korean guy (I'm straight girl in love with Korean men though.. So I suppose that counts for something.. Heh..) but I put my emotions and ideals into a story..

If it does poorly.. then I feel like there's something in me that's lacking.. You know..?

I know I know.. I shouldn't wait for the judgment of others to know if what I posted was good or not.. Blah blah blah.. I should have faith in my own writing and what not, but it really isn't that easy.. I don't know how to explain it really.. But it bothers me when I feel like something I posted doesn't do well.. Or gets no feeback..

It bothers me even more and I go back to said piece of writing and start ripping apart.. Picking out my mistakes and then further dissecting it.. I guess I'm one of those people in life who will never be satisfied with her own work.. I always want it to be better.. *shrug* Maybe it's just a demand for perfection, or maybe I continuously compare myself to others which is a very bad thing to do.. But I can't help it.. I put others on a pedastal while I leave myself in their dust..

*sigh*

Writing is such a complicated form of art.. I don't see how so many can stick with it loyally and not lose themselves to it completely.. Power to the people who write professionally.. -.-'

I've have rediscovered the little punk rock princess within me.. well.. however small and slight she might be. Heh.. Though I truly love that classic R&B the singer Younha just totally astounds me and I quite say why.. I've only really just heard of her not even 24 hours ago and have probably downloaded both her Korean and Japanese albums as well as the music videos to go with..

This never happens to me.. Not with female artists anyway. Don't get me wrong, I totally love HyoRi and Wonder Girls, but I usually remain drooling over my boys because.. well let's face it, they're sexy as hell and I want them all to myself. -.-'  

But anyway.. Back to Younha..

I like the sound of her voice.. and the style of her music.. And let's face it, sister girl is beautiful. Like seriously, if I was an adorable little Korean girl, I would definitely want to look like her. Haha.. But.. I dunno why her music just appeals to me, but it definitely does.. Hmm.. Might I have a new favorite female artist? Hmm.. Sorry HyoRi, but Younha just might have you beat in my opinion. Haha, though their styles are totally different and are reaching out to difference audiences, there really isn't enough room for me to have more than one favorite.. It's really exhausting just going through the process of picking one.

Anyway.. There really is no point to this entry.. I just wanted to talk about Younha.. Because.. Well.. She's cool..? o.O

I really need to go to sleep.. -.-'

Oh and uh.. heh.. OBAMA IS THE PRESIDENT!!!! OH YEAH!!

Everyone in my family is saying the same thing..

I never thought I'd ever see a black president.

It's just like.. Oh my goodness.. I'm so happy.. and so speechless.. And so.. It's just.. Wow.. I bet Chris Rock never imagined that after 'Head of State' there would really be a black man to go for president. But aside from the color.. I really do think that Obama is definitely the change that this country needs..

I'm even more surprised that my county (that has been red longer than my mother has been around) was one of few counties in  the area that voted blue. It was.. to say the very least.. shocking, but amazing to say the least.

I just.. Wow..

I'm super relieved and excited about the change that's going to be coming to the country.

*falls over*

I just finished up with the PDF.. I could CRY it's so damn beautiful!!!

WAH!!!!! *dances*

Well.. That last post was totally lame and unlike me in every way shape and form. I would be all 'let's forget that even happened' but I still am suffering a bit from that mind set, BUT have found a sort of hopeful outlook that has brought me out of my 'I hate the world GAH!' slump that I was in and I am quite happy to say that I'm still reaching for the stars.

For a while.. I even abandoned hope of going to the Korean Music Festival and that is something I think is very important to me so to give up on that would be giving up in every sense of the word and I don't ever want to be thought of as a quitter. I also thought about ending my School Daze PDF thing (and the surprise at the end hahaha) but again.. That's quitting and quitting isn't my style. I may postpone things for ridiculous amounts of times, but I don't like to quit something I'm really passionate about. (I'm passionate about both going to KMF as well as PDFing School Daze *determined nod*)

Basically.. I've been having a lot of trouble when it comes to knowing what I want to do when I grow up (yes I still say that.. So sue me..) Of course school is the number one way to success and then there are alternative ways to getting your education such as going into a trade and blah blah blah but in the long run.. Do I really want to either A: study so hard for a piece of paper that gives me mad crazy opportunities to make so much money in a career that I hate? or B: Get my degree in something that's not even that widely received and end up in some downward sloping job that I could never love because it's not what I had in mind?

In my opinion, I have a very naive outlook on education.. Or should I say.. idealistic.. And I don't like how things are run. Obviously this is going to effect me since I'm going to be running around the country without a degree but it doesn't mean that I can get a good paying job and establish myself the way I want to be established... Am I making any sense?

At this point I don't even care.

For now, I'm going to stop going to school and work hard to live the way I want to live. I don't want to go to school so that people can tell me how to think and dictate the actions I take to make a better future for myself. No one knows me better than I know myself and with a little hwaiting spirit, I know that I'll be fine in the work force. I'll work hard and play hard. THAT'S the life that I want. 

I know many people in college and are doing wonderful with what they have chosen to do. They chose college and I'm choosing something else. Already friends have shown distaste in what little of my plan that they know, but I can't let that stop me. They're either going to college because mommy and daddy said so or because they really really want to. Good for them, I support them no matter what. Me? I have to find my own way and right now, college just isn't it.

I feel like I'm losing my train of thought and am just rambling now..

Oh well.. Doesn't matter.. ANYWAY!

I'm going to go to the Korean Music Festival.. No questions asked..



And this time around I think we're gonna eat at this place.. The good looked amazing.. Haha!!! KMF HERE I COME!

I didn't get around to much editing today.. Actually a little bit of a tragedy happen about two minutes away from my house.. Uh.. This boy I knew from high school was shot 8 times in the head because some punk wanted to steal his car and he wouldn't let him.. I died about three hours later in the hospital while in serious condition..

He was a well known guy around campus and was just sweet to everyone he met. One of those.. idol personality type of people. I only have good and funny memories of him and it's just so sad that his life was so suddenly taken from him over something so stupid. He was only 22 years old.

I'm just entering my twenties.. and in my opinion, I'm not at the age where I should be buryinh friends.. You know what I mean? I shouldn't be sitting here worrying about if I'll ever see some of my friends the next day, or if they'll ever see me.. I shouldn't wonder is this goodbye is the last goodbye.. It's depressing to think about and a wonderful person was lost today. He was only one semester (18 weeks) away from graduating college.

I'm not going to claim having been best friends with him, but he was a genuinely sweet guy with a sweet disposition.. And he only lost his life today because of desperate fool with a gun..

~*Rest In Peace Delvis Fernandez*~

Well.. I now know that I can mark 'editor' off my list of potential employment options.. HOW THE HECK TO PEOPLE DO IT!!! UGH!!!! GAH!!! It's so not cool.. -.-  But whatev.. I brought this upon myself for not editing my fics before posting them..

Bad me..

But I am doing it now, so that is a good thing.. And uh.. Hmm.. I should be done by tomorrow.. And then editing YB vs TY should't take but a second.. so that might be done tomorrow too.. Then I'll be able to put up PDF's of all TWO of my fics!!! xDDD Haha.. I know I'm special, but I elect not to talk about it.  ^_____^

Anyway, truth be told the editing process isn't as bad as I thought it would be, but hey, don't get me wrong, it's still pretty gosh darn bad, BUT it isn't overly horrible. -.-' I've already done 20 chapters and that's about 132 pages.. -.-' and so I only have 19 more chapters to go.. yay.. that's only what.. another hundred or so pages..?

I wish there was an automatic editor thingy that just KNEW what I was thinking so that it could do all the corrections and what not for me.. I've even had to re-write a few things just because I've realized that I have this horrible tendancy to repeat myself or talk about things that really don't matter.. Kinda like what I'm going now.. -.-'

I really miss writing.. OH! and.. I might put something on the end of the PDF of school daze and considering that like.. almost 90% of everyone who has hardlychoosen friended, they probably won't see this.. xD so i'll make a note or whatever on that journal too, just so everyone knows that and so that they can't say that I didn't tell them, because I so totally did.. -nod nod-

now i'm going to knock out for the next 8 hours because i have class in the morning.. well.. afternoon.. but.. whatever.. who cares.. -.-' 

OH! And I am currently at.. 55,885 words.. and that's like.. what.. half of the fic.. o.O

I scare myself.. I didn't know I had the ability to repeat 'and' that many times.. xD kidding.. anyway.. im dead tired and on the verge of dropping dead right hre on my computer.. -.-


Oh! Picture time!!! Because.. I think if I post one of my horribly taken Korean Music Festival Pictures, I will continue to feel inspired to go. -nod- HWAITING!