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Jan. 16th, 2009

He kinda looks like Se7en in this shot..

A Life I'm Proud Of

One thing I know about myself is that I am lazy to a point where it is just down right pathetic..
And tonight.. I guess this week has been a week of realizations for me.. anyway.. tonight I noticed that it's been that very laziness I hold so dear to my heart that holds me back from doing the things that I want and/or need to do.
Take my hangul alphabet for example..
I don't need to do it, but I certainly wanted to.

It was a pretty simple task that I set for myself.. Make an entire hangul chart in nice big bubbly letters so that I would have reference to glance at every now and then for those stupid moments where I just can't remember what the hell I'm looking at.
It's really not that difficult and it was something I really really wanted to do.
Because.. well let's face it.. I don't want to just speak Korean, but I want to be able to read and write it too.
Now teaching yourself another language is hard, everyone knows that this is a difficult task and you have to have self discipline and determination to be able to do such a difficult undertaking. Due to my constant laziness, I thought it would be impossible, but because I want it, I do want to try.
A few minutes into making the chart my hand starts to hurt a little bit. A minor annoyance that I could easily work through..
I decide to just go ahead and stop. Not because my hand is about to fall off, but just because my hand is bothering me a little bit. I don't want to disrupt my personal comfort for something that I might not succeed at, right?
Of course not!

But then I look at all the work I had put in so far.. I wasn't even half way done and some of the characters were questionable by my standards and I thought to myself:
Is it ok for me to finish like this?
With a sigh of frustrations (because my characters really looked good and bad all at the same time) I decided to keep going. Maybe by the end of work I would be able to get at least half of it done once I redid everything I had done already.
By this point my hand and wrist really did start to just flat out hurt, but I just couldn't leave it at that. I had to keep making my chart to my satisfaction and not cave to the laziness.
By the end of my shift at work I finished it.. and for a rare instant, I was really proud of myself for deciding not to stop, and to really put forth the extra effort to not only keep going, but to make it look nice and actually readable. For once, I didn't just put something off because of the same tired old excuses of 'I can always do it later' or 'I'm not going to succeed anyway, so why bother' and all the other nonsense I had fed to myself in the past.
And I realized..
Would I have gone to KMF last year if I hadn't met the girl who really pushed for us to go?
What things in life had I missed out on because I decided that I was just too tired and wanted to catch up on sleep?
When did out right laziness start dictating who I was?


I want to take steps forward in life. I want to live a little bit more.. Learn.. Explore.. Discover..
Sometimes.. It's harder or more painful not being the lazy bum in bed, but then again.. In the long run, those aches and pains are totally worth it and then some. There's no telling who you'll meet or what you'll do next.
I've probably missed numerous opportunities because I just didn't feel like doing it. Because I was lazy and made up those stupid excuses, which is odd, because that's not the person that I was raised to be.
I want to take more chances and live a little bit.
I'll suffer my fair share, that's for certain, but in the end I'll have a completed product:
A life I'm proud of.

(Yeah it's crappy.. But it's a start.)

Jan. 13th, 2009

He kinda looks like Se7en in this shot..

Getting Myself In Order..

Ok enough of this emo crap.. That's not me at all.. Whatever insecurities or fears I have.. Screw it, I can't be wasting precious time on stupid stuff..

I will.. If it is the last thing I do.. Will most definitely find a way to go to KMF this year AND get my new computer.. I mean.. HELL I'm going to be working mad crazy hours anyway and know how to make money so it shouldn't be a problem.. Then again.. I make everything a problem, but I WILL make it possible for me to enjoy myself as much as possible, which is something that I think I've forgotten how to do..

KMF was the highlight of my entire life last year.. The experience was amazing and I really really want a repeat of it and I think I owe to myself to do something that I really really want to do, ne? Seeing California.. Going to K-Town.. Meeting other DBSK fans.. Seeing the Hollywood Bowl.. Getting to see DBSK live.. Hell.. Even the flight (which by the way I slept through and didn't get to see the Grand Canyon OR get my damn soda and then I didn't get my peanuts until we go to the hotel) was amazing.. Every single aspect of it.. And I would give anything in the world to do it again.. If I do go again.. This time I wanna stay loner.. you know.. see the sights.. eat the food.. oh goodness the food.. What.. Maybe like a week or something?

*sigh* KMF.. how I do love thee..

Patricia HWAITING~~~!

The hotel I stayed at.. Right of Whilshire was right down the street from the Chinese Theater..
Hehe.. It was AMAZING~~~! And this is a picture I totally took with my camera phone..
I miss that phone.. I'm probably gonna switch back to it..
Even though it doesn't ring..

Jan. 11th, 2009

He kinda looks like Se7en in this shot..

(no subject)

Ok so.. First off.. I'm terrible at posting in this thing, but mainly because.. I don't know.. I guess I just don't feel the overwhelming need to continuously post my live on livejournal, though it doesn't matter since only patra really reads it and since we talk about just about everything anyway, she finds out with out even needing to sign on to livejournal..

Obviously this is a completely different story..


I haven't been sleeping well.. I've probably gotten one really good night of amazingly good rest but under a very stressful situation, so I'm not entire sure if that should really count or not.. Anyway.. moving on.. I've also I've noticed that my attention at work has been lacking big time and since I'm constantly dealing with money all the time, I can't let that happen. I discovered today when I went into work that last night I hadn't counted correctly and that all our numbers were jacked up and so I spent the first hour of my shift fixing it since I was the one who messed it up in the first place.. But the thing that bothered me most was the fact that I'd never made such a stupid mistake before..

So obviously there's something bothering me big time if I'm being a forgetful little moron.. I know it isn't Disney because I know that everything will be just fine there, and even though I am concerned with the state of things at home, I'm not too sure it's that either. I recently applied to the University of Pittsburgh.. and ever since I received confirmation that all my information was in fact received, I've been stressing like there's no tomorrow..

To be perfectly honest, I have no back up plan should I not get accepted.. I can't stay where I am and there is just no room for continued failure or rejection in my life. Truth be told I'm scared to death that I'm making myself sick.. This goes so far beyond nerves that it's not even funny.. I can't really put what I'm feeling into words enough to properly express myself to someone and in the end they keep telling me that I'm just being silly. But am I?

Sometimes I'm just so reassured, so sure that I'll get accepted because let's face it, who wouldn't want me to grace the halls of their school, but at the same time, in their eyes I'm really no one important, just another number to either add to the roster or toss out all together. I don't want to be so much of an egoist that I'm absolutely positive that I'll get in, but at the same time, I don't want to depress myself and put myself down by telling myself that I'll be lucky if they even send the infamous letter of rejection.

*dramatic groan*

Some days it's just damn hard to smile and pretend that there's nothing eating away me. Keeping up with the strong girl act I have yet to cry, but I know the fear and anxiety and serious lack of sleep and energy are breaking me down.. As tired as I am, I'm more terrified than anything. I think I'm more afraid of a hopeless future than anything..

Dec. 17th, 2008

He kinda looks like Se7en in this shot..


I say yes.. Someone else says no.. And like a dumbass and listen therefore find myself saying no too.. I feel like I have no backbone and things are getting even more complicated than they are supposed to be..

Ok.. I'm a STRONG believer in signs.. like.. you know how you want to get the red shirt but something something something tells you to get the blue one instead so you go with that feeling and get the blue one..? ok.. well.. that's not exactly the sign I'm talking about but close enough. I feel like ever since I declared that no, college was NOT for me, everyone and everything around me is pushing for post secondary education.. It kills me too.. I don't know if it's a way of me being tested to see if I will cave under pressure or if it's a sign that there is something soooo much bigger out there for me. I don't want to pass up an opportunity, and I'll admit, I need a lot more discipline than I currently have and need to learn the value of hard work, but I just don't know WHAT to think..

It also doesn't help that I'm surrounded by a shit load of educators who push for education like their very lives depend on it.. I guess then again it sort of does since they went to college themselves in order to get the low paying job they now have.. -sigh-

I like to think of myself as positive and straightforward, but lately I've been teetering on the edge and wondering what I'm going to do with my life. I don't want to settle and I do want bigger things, but I just feel like I don't want to run myself and my mom into the gutter trying to chase after a possibly void dream..

-falls over-

Nov. 23rd, 2008

He kinda looks like Se7en in this shot..


So I've had a very exciting moment in my life.. well.. to me it's exciting.. I was browsing through korichan 's recommendation list and not only did I notice that 'Your My Melody' was on there *blush* but before the list itself is presented, she was talking about the filtering process and what not of her fics and she was talking about crossovers and you know what the example was..? SCHOOL DAZE!!! *dies*

I feel like hardlychosen  isn't an appropriate screenname anymore.. I mean.. I don't think it was really appropriate in the first place.. I probably picked it because I was being dumb and emo and because it wasn't taken.. -.-' Then again.. maybe that's why she chose to use School Daze as an example..? Then I wondered to myself.. Would enough people have read it to understand that it was one of those extremely tripped out crossovers..? 

Which got me to thinking.. Maybe I think too much? o.O  Well.. then again.. That's not too surprising.. -.-'

Anyway.. I totally enjoy gushing with pride.. It doesn't happen often so when I'm just gushing.. I like to gush all over the place..

I miss patra86 

and I also enjoy using this little button thingy to make everonye's screen name go from patra86 to patra86  haha.. I'm so lame..


Anyway.. it's 3 in the morning and I should really go to bed.. But I'm so hyper.. *whimper*

He kinda looks like Se7en in this shot..

[K-Drama] - Painter of the Wind

Just freaking wow.. I've only seen the first six episodes of this drama, but it's TOTALLY love... ^____^ Haha.. Personally, I'm a sucker for a story that is based around the arts.. You know.. music.. dancing.. ART. Hehe.. And the fact that I saw a commercial for this on some Korean station thing and nearly broke my fingers looking for it might have something to do with why I wanted to watch it so badly.. *shrug*

But I can't exactly do a full analysis as to what's going on just yet. Even though I'm a good six episodes into the drama I do have vent because I am, to day the very least, pissed as hell with the subbing team.. I'm so angry I don't even feel like looking up who they are right now because that would just make me furious all over again.

The drama itself is absolutely wonderful, but I must say that poor subbing, bad timing and subbing team laziness does make it difficult to enjoy. Let me put it this way.. I read English subtitles because of the fact that I do not know enough Korean to watch a drama just yet.. But how come.. HOW COME they take it upon themselves not to sub some (many really) that the characters say? It was by chance that I even knew what the Chona had said to Don Wan and Yon Bok.. -.-' Aigoo.. I was so pissed when I started noticing less and less subtitles the longer the drama went on. By the time I got to episode seven, I was ten minutes into the drama and still not a single sub had popped up.. I mean, it's not THAT hard to understand what's going on at the beginning of that particular episode.. I mean.. Some serious shit is going on.. But it totally kills me that I can't fully understand what's going on in the scene because a subbing team decided to upload the ep with no subs or barely any.. -.-

Back to the drama itself..

OH MY GOSH!!! I didn't think such a serious porblem would present itself so soon in the drama.. o.O From the get go you know exactly who will be the problematic characters in the drama, and you know that there's going to be trouble, but I seriously didn't expect so much so soon.. I was biting my nails right from the start.


Yon Bok is really a girl.. That's definitely one of the first things you learn about our heroin though everyone thinks she's a he (and sometimg I even get a little on the confused side haha) so perhaps i should think of her like a hero..? Anyway! Yon Bok is really a girl and an extremely talented painter with a sharp eye for detail. It's this eye for detail that gets her in trouble with the dowager queen.. Apparently, Yon Bok painted what was considered an erotic painting and though she didn't know it, it was the dowager queen she had painted.. Hahahaha!!! (I thought that was funny because really the queen only considered it erotic because she was the focus of the painting)

Don Wan (a totally amazingly awesome painter) is brought in from Pyoyang (I sure hope that's right, it's been a couple of days) to find out who painted such a thing.. Whoever is found guilty will have his hands smashed and if Don Wan were to fail, his hands would be smashed in place of the students since the masters don't want him there anyway.. Apparently there was this huge thing 10 years ago involving him but they elaborate later.. I would know more about that if there were subtitles for future episodes.. *pout* I'll have to check back though.. That or just rip out my hair and scream insanities.

Anyway.. I definitely love the drama so far and I definitely want to finish it.. If I get the chance to order it on DVD, I definitely will without hesitation.



Nov. 19th, 2008

He kinda looks like Se7en in this shot..

You're My Everything.. ^____^

Nov. 16th, 2008

He kinda looks like Se7en in this shot..

Tears of An Angel..

It figure the ONE TIME I finally say something out loud about Changmin's lack of crying and ability to hold it together while the others fall apart.. on top of writing a fic about him crying.. He cries.. Making me look a little weird.. Not gonna lie I think I might be psychic because.. you know.. it was only a matter of time before he cracked.. I mean.. He needs to let emotion out.. It's not healthy to hold it on in.. -nod nod- Also.. I totally teared up watching him cry.. He was very put together in his tears though.. And Chunnie was so supportive of the baby.. Hehe.. That's friendship right there. ^___^ And Minnie was just trying to play it cool, but there was just no hiding it.. I wish I could have given him a hug..

And though I LOVE Big Bang with all my heart (though Top's betrayal wounded me deeply, I mean come ON, I can't compete with HyoRi xD) I still think DBSK is the better group. (I have my own reasons and four years of torture *Ash knows what I'm talking about* for why I believe this) but then again, my opinion is just that.. My opinion.

Proud of all ten of my boys though! ^___^

And it's war between me a HyoRi.. I'm taller, so I just might win. Haha!

Nov. 13th, 2008

He kinda looks like Se7en in this shot..

[K-Drama] - Love Letter

Really now.. Who hasn't heard of this drama..?

I'm not gonna lie, I loved it because I am definitely a sucker for these angsty, drawn out dramas that's story could probably be told in a single movie. I'm not saying it was bad, because I totally loved it, but I'm not going to say that it was the best thing that was ever put on Silent Regrets and I think that everyone should watch it because there is no life without this drama..

No no.. That's Hana Kimi..

Anyway.. The first episode definitely won me over, hands down. I found the story so interesting and engaging. I actually thought that it could have stood well on it's own.. Heh.. But that's just me. Anyway.. Andrea's story really did make me tear up. Discovering that he had an uncle that would really care for him instead of that vicious aunt that would just beat him all the time.. And when he got older meeting Eun Ha was like a Godsent and since so much of this drama revolves around religion I have no problem saying that.. Heh.. (I usually try to keep some things like religion to a minimum you know.. taking in the consideration of others and what not..)

When they went to college it did get a little more complicated.. There's the whole discovering the long lost mother thing, throwing freakin WooJin in there and falling in love Eun Ha who had always had her heart devoted to Andrea (whose real name is WooJin as well, but for the sake of not wanting to cause confusion, mainly amongst myself, we're sticking with his Christian name, Andrea..) who is hellbent on becoming a priest.

Obviously devoting his life to God is a slight problem.. Considering that he'll never get married.. Do the nasty with Eun Ha (just being realistic here..) and there's WooJin who always seems to lurk in the shadows and hide some sort of very important information fro either Andrea or Eun Ha which, coincidentally enough, sets the two even further apart than they already are and considering that Andrea wants to be a priest, that is pretty gosh darn far..

But here's the truth, the set back, of this drama. It does go around in circles and just when you think it can't get anymore complicated than it already has, the director, the scriptwriter, WHOEVER, manages to pull out another plot twist that causes everyone involved more anguish. The truth about Andrea's father. The truth about Andrea's mother. The truth about WooJin's father. The truth about WooJin's mother. The truth about Eun Ha. The truth about Andrea and Eun Ha. The truth about Eun Ha and WooJin. Really.. Does the madness ever end? Not to mention the river of tears that's spilt by the cast alone.. I do declare there wasn't enough room in the world for their tears (and mine) had this series gone on any longer.

My biggest gripe about this drama was the unfinished side story.. They managed to close a couple of holes here and there, but there sides left opened, questions left unanswered, some things were very hazy and not completely making sense, but because you're so caught up in the emotion and about to drown from the onslaught of tears, you just don't question it.

*falls over*

Since I enjoyed it.. I give it three out of five stars.. definitely.. but looking at from a different point of view.. hmm.. 2.. 2 and 1/2..
He kinda looks like Se7en in this shot..

[J-Drama] - Wonderful Life

I was totally skimming through my history of dramas that I watched, because I wanted to watch something over again and I think, 'Hmm.. Wonderful Life was a bundle of laughs, a pinch of nerves and definitely a tear jerker. I mean, who wouldn't fall in love with the overly adorable Shin Bi?'

So being the daft crazy that I am, I click without looking.. And ended up bumping into Wonderful Life the Japanese Drama. o.O They had one? I really should have done my research better. Not MY surprise when I see the wonderfully wonderful Takashi Sorimachi playing the lead male role!!! I was so excited because I thought he was just tooo funny in GTO, so he made a fangirl out of me.


Anyway.. You know maybe it was the same storyline? Oh what a naive little thing I am.. Of course it's a different storyline, so different that I am entranced upon the completion of only the first episode. I'm obviously craving more. His injury was super lame in the sense of how he was injured and how the scene was done (if memory serves me right, because I remember not being completely satisfied with it) but the overall drama was very good and with a unique cast.

Let's start from the beginning. Takashi Sorimachi plays the part of Akira Kirishima star batter for the Pirates (a professional baseball team) and let me just say he is a rotten money grubbing bastard that no one would really want to be around. Of course, his fans really know little about who he really is, especially one little boy who writes him letter after letter asking the batter to be the coach of their little league baseball team. It's already painfully obvious that this will become the main plotline for the drama. They really wasted no time in revealing that much, but the question is 'How the hell is he going to find himself coaching a little league basball team? I mean, he's a professional for crying out loud, he doesn't do this stuff out of the kindness of his heart.' 

Which brings me to that injury that I mentioned earlier. Again, lame in almost every sense of the word, but you also get a feel for his character because he was injured after being caught cheating on his wfe of however many years. In the end his wife does divorce them and take their eleven year old son with them and it really sucks for him, because on top of his family leaving him, he has no real friends, his shoulder is injured and he gets fired from his job.

And cue the little league baseball team.

It was actually unbearanly cute there little boys. They of course aren't perfect angels, but they grow and learn from him and vice versa. As is the sterotypical plot, he changes into a better person. He falls in love, learns to be more humble, blah blah blah, the baseball team sucks when he first gets there. It's all pretty predictable, but the fun isn't guessing if they'll win or not, it's watching the funny little antics of the towns people, getting to know who Shou and Konsuke are, it's like watching a flower bloom. Even though you know what the end result is going to be, you wanna see what happens in between.

I do hold other dramas above this one, but let me tell you it's definitely something else. If I were to rate it.. I would give it.. Hmm.. probably 3 out of 5 stars.

-nod nod-



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