xxcantchoosexx (xxcantchoosexx) wrote,
xxcantchoosexx
xxcantchoosexx

ARGH!!!

I say yes.. Someone else says no.. And like a dumbass and listen therefore find myself saying no too.. I feel like I have no backbone and things are getting even more complicated than they are supposed to be..

Ok.. I'm a STRONG believer in signs.. like.. you know how you want to get the red shirt but something something something tells you to get the blue one instead so you go with that feeling and get the blue one..? ok.. well.. that's not exactly the sign I'm talking about but close enough. I feel like ever since I declared that no, college was NOT for me, everyone and everything around me is pushing for post secondary education.. It kills me too.. I don't know if it's a way of me being tested to see if I will cave under pressure or if it's a sign that there is something soooo much bigger out there for me. I don't want to pass up an opportunity, and I'll admit, I need a lot more discipline than I currently have and need to learn the value of hard work, but I just don't know WHAT to think..

It also doesn't help that I'm surrounded by a shit load of educators who push for education like their very lives depend on it.. I guess then again it sort of does since they went to college themselves in order to get the low paying job they now have.. -sigh-

I like to think of myself as positive and straightforward, but lately I've been teetering on the edge and wondering what I'm going to do with my life. I don't want to settle and I do want bigger things, but I just feel like I don't want to run myself and my mom into the gutter trying to chase after a possibly void dream..

-falls over-
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